Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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