i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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