you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't want my vagina anymore.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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