Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
