i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
