coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
