We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
