i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
