Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
