that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
