I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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