it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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