im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
