the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
