Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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