i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
