i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
