hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
