i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
