Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In other news, I just burned my penis
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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