If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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