i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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