Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
