Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
