My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
