i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
