i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
