apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
