The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
