Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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