To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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