Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
