It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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