im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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