im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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