maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
