I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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