Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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