we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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