Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How naked do you want me to be?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
