My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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