i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
