we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
