Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I believe in your delicious
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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