the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are we still banned from the library?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
