just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
