I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
