She is in my trunk
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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