Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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