i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
