turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
