Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
