You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
